I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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