That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
