I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this just has baby written all over it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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