My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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