is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
