i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
