my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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