this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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