Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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