My room smells like vodka and shame
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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