I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
