Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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