this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
