the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
