If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
