names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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