Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
