i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
