He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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