my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
ok first of all what the fuck
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
