my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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