I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize