you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
