So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
