As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
