My room smells like vodka and shame
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
