The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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