Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize