puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
