i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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