that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
