Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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