Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
