I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
