dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
