So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
