Umm I'm too high to move.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize