Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
