They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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