two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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