So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
