party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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