Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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