He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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