HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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