so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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