ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
