remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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