question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
