Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
