I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
