i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
