Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
