I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize