i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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