My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize