Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize