I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
