I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
