worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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