OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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