i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
