Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
