It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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