I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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