i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
