if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Found the puke drawer
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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