Me too!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
