gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i will never coherently bang her
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
