How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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