dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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